“If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”
~ William Blake
(For this post to make sense, you’ll have to read past posts or understand that my dad passed away Jan. 25th, a little over a week ago…and I just got his ashes back.)
“Somebody close the door. It’s freezing in here!”
Little boys running in and out of the house hardly ever have the inclination to concern themselves with doors.
If you leave them open it makes life so much easier. Don’t you agree?
(two days ago)
I rang the bell and waited. The door is always locked, you know.
I swear I heard it creak as she labored to open it, ushering me into the foyer, whispering as she directed me to the room over there where I’d wait for my dad.
I needed a pin to see if I could hear it when it dropped. I was sure that I could have.
As I did a visual inspection for dust on my tightly upholstered chair, I giggled noticing a man run up and down the perfectly vacuumed stairs a few times. Seemed he was in a hurry. Why? Nobody was going anywhere. I imagined he’d had a lot of coffee and was glad for the errands he was assigned by the whisperers who’d congregated just out of eyeshot.
“Here we go, Mrs. Cross.” His body language screamed, “I’m flying in under the radar of your sadness.” Poor guy. He didn’t know me.
“Wow!” I had to laugh. “It’s so much smaller than I’d imagined!”
“I just need you to sign here, and you’ll be all set.” He sounded apologetic.
He passed me my dad in a little blue box.
“Geez! That’s not heavy at all!”
“About eight pounds,” he said looking at the floor as he gathered the newly-signed paperwork.
The image flashed into my mind so quickly. I caught his eyes and held on tight. Before I knew it, it was out.
“HA! That’s funny. They come in as a baby at about 8 lbs. and go out the same way.”
I could tell he wasn’t sure. He tipped towards the desk and looked sideways as he guffawed.
“I’m going to have to remember that one. I’ve never thought of that before!”
Finally. A laugh. A smile. Humanness.
I drove home with my dad on my lap. Boy, was I experiencing some serious role reversal!
I haven’t told the kids that Grandpa Mike is sitting on my desk. They just think that the box is pretty. So do I.
Which, my friends brings me to the topic of the day: closure.
I’ve done a little reading on closure – what it is and why some people need it. That’s one of the reasons we’re having a memorial. I really wanted to know if I was different, in what way and why?
What is this thing that people keep telling me I’ll have when…(fill in the blank), or that I need because,,,(new blank)???
I don’t think I need any.
I think I’d like to leave the door open for a bit of fresh air now and again.