“We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us,”
~ Marianne Williamson
The day before my birthday I sat with God.
“Are you ready?” He asked quietly. I was until I saw his eyes start to well up.
“I’ll miss you, you know. You’re beautiful, you know. We’ll all miss you – your joy and playfulness, your love and your faith in everyone and everything. I know you think it would be just fine to stay here forever – comfortable and at peace – but you need to go and get wrapped up in a body that’ll bring you a fullness of joy. I know you can’t imagine it, but it’s true.”
“Betsy, it’s all good there, where you’re going. There is nothing so bad that with me can’t become beautiful.”
My heart pounded with emotions too large to quiet.
“I know that you aren’t concerned with those things, Betsy.”
“No, I know I’ll see beauty. You taught me how.”
Then he spoke my truth, “I know you’ll miss everyone here and it’s hard to leave.”
We talked about the world I’d live in, and my family that was waiting for me – people I’d come to know and love. Friends who’d left just like I would, some returning quickly, others still waiting for my arrival on Earth; all connected to me with love.
I’d watched the creation unfold and had daydreamed forever, looking at trees especially as well as rocks and water. He told me I’d draw those things from memory someday. I’ll say that I’d imagined them, but we’d both know where I’d seen them first.
“Dance when you want to remember, Betsy. You will feel a freedom in it when the lights dim and the music starts. Open your heart to me in those moments. I’ll watch and clap for you. Sit by the water, too. It’ll remind your heart of love, and peace, and joy. Everything is alive with me. Open your eyes to the beauty of the Small and Insignificant. Make them important with your attention. Whatever you choose to do, make it beautiful and I’ll be there. That is the most important thing to remember: connecting Heaven and Earth by uncovering the truth and beauties that tie both worlds together, and sharing that joy by letting it radiate out with a smile as you live your life.
Someday it’ll end and you’ll come home. You won’t want to leave and others won’t want to let you go, just like now. But it’s all a circle, Betsy. Don’t forget that. Love will bind the ends. “
It was then that the crowds started to form around us. There were smiles and tears. The anticipation was electric. I’d been at farewells and homecomings so many times. But this was mine.
And it was time to go.
He stood. I stood and fell into Him sobbing.
He took me by the shoulders and stared into my eyes, penetrating my whole soul, etching a memory in it that would awaken bit by bit over time.
“Remember these feelings. They will be the guiding force in your life there. You are taking a part of me with you. Bring me with you wherever you go. See me in every rain drop, blade of grass, and stormy sea. Hear me in every bird song, every breath of wind, and laughter born of joy. Taste me in sweet strawberries, fresh water, and pure kisses. Feel me in the sand between your toes, in the leaps and arabesques that will witness of my sustaining power as they free you from gravity, and in the cold nights where I’ll warm your body with sweet memories as you gaze into the flames.”
I tried to absorb what was beyond my experience to completely understand.
“Bye,” He whispered, catching me by surprise, bringing me back suddenly from my daydreams of future and foreign experiences.
I whispered my goodbye as I tumbled away into my birth day…forgetting everything that my heart would have to explain to my mind and body for the next 52 years and however many more days I would be given.
For about a year I’d remember but be unable to share in words.
That was his birthday gift to me as is my slow and steady remembering is every day of my life.
I’m so happy to be here. It’s a beautiful place with extraordinary people who enrich my life. Even in the darkest times where I’ve struggled to find meaning and joy, I’ve felt love and loved. I wake up these days so happy that I cry.
Everything is going well.
I remember Him. Nothing else matters without that.
So, tomorrow, I’ll wake up and tell him thank you for all the glorious years here. I’ve found beauty and felt love everywhere. It’s almost too much to take in some days. What a gift it is to be alive. And what a gift it is to know that never really ends.
It’s all just a circle, connected in love…